Aeon Flux

In what promises to be the most pointless big-screen adaptation since Garfield, here comes Aeon Flux, starring Charlize Theron. Fans of the original series of animated shorts, created by Peter Chung, will remember the dreamlike narrative derangement that came from their eschewal of any form of dialogue, and their refusal to provide any kind of context or backstory to the adventures of this mysterious female assassin of the future. Who was she? Was she a goodie or a baddie? Were there any goodies or baddies in her world? Who was she fighting? Where? When? Why?

Add to this the bewildering premise that Aeon, for all her superhuman skills, is killed at the end of each episode, usually as a result of some ridiculously trivial accident. In one episode, she manages to unwittingly catch a loose nail in the sole of her boot, but every step she takes after that involves her, with an ingenuity not unworthy of Buster Keaton, in some form of movement that does not require her to bring her feet flat down on a solid surface - she's climbing a ladder, edging along a window ledge on her heels, etc. Finally, at the crucial moment, she brings her foot down, driving the nail into her sole - the sudden pain, while not fatal in itself, proves to be a distraction with fatal consequences. Of course, by the time you tune in for the next episode, she is alive again, without even a perfunctory attempt to explain how.

Needless to say, this kind of exhilarating narrative recklessness is unlikely to survive the process of translation to a multiplex popcorn movie. One page of the official website signals this:

"The twisted conspiracies and agendas that were so signature (sic) to the cartoon (sic) are given some meaty and satisfying continuity in the film"

When I first heard they were doing Aeon Flux as a live-action feature, I only had one question: Are they going to get that bizarre hairdo right, part-60s hostess, part-manta ray? As you'll see if you visit the website, the short answer is definitely no.