The Big Issue

No-one would question the good work done by the magazine The Big Issue. To take the example of Paul, my regular vendor, it’s clear that as a result of selling the magazine, he has greatly enlarged the number of people who know his name, who greet him, who are pleased to see him and exchange a few friendly words. So I’m happy to buy the magazine…and bin it as soon as I’m out of sight. As anyone who has looked inside a copy knows, TBI, despite its professional layout, is on the intellectual level of the dumbest student newspaper you ever read. The smarmy, puerile, undergraduate tone is relentless, and its entire political insight can be summed up in one phrase – ‘Howard Bad Man’.

Here are a few samples from the current issue. A set of 'humorous' dictionary definitions offers:

Australia: a large land mass to the left of the United States. But only just.

It's hard to know which is worse: the pain as my sides split with laughing, or the trauma as my geopolitical worldview explodes at this epiphany. Or a feature which invites readers to contribute 'funny' overheard comments, such as:

Young teenager: Why don't people like John Howard?
Dad: It's his politics, darling. They don't like his politics.
Say no more. Overheard in a Melbourne bookshop.

(Not 'Readings', surely? And one hopes the 'teenager' is his daughter: The Big Issue is far too cool to stereotype a 'teenager' by anything as naff as gender.) Somehow I think if I overheard someone say 'Peter Garrett is a hypocrite and a wanker', this wouldn't make it into their funny pages.

So now to my Charles Foster Kane fantasy scenario. Too bad there isn't a rightside media mogul willing to fund a conservative Big Issue. He could approach the BI people with the following deal: let your vendors carry my conservative magazine, as well as yours, from which they will get $3 for every copy sold (they get $2 per copy from TBI). Let charity, and competition, decide.